October
is breast cancer awareness month, and although I myself did not have breast
cancer (I had endometrial cancer) it is a great opportunity to raise awareness
for everyone battling the cancer beast.
In honor of those in the thick of their treatments, I offer these tips
for friends and loved ones.
I.
Practical help.
First
there are practical needs. For example: house
cleaning, rides, meals, grocery shopping, cards, phone calls (leave message, don’t expect/require
call back, just let them know you are thinking of them.), babysitting, lawn
care, financial assistance (treatments are expensive, and the person may be
unable to work and have a reduced income), befriend their kids, take care of
the caregiver, relieve caregiver (stay at the house for a few hours, bring a
book, don’t expect to be entertained by the person - they may just need to
sleep), care for pets, and send care packages.
My favorite care package included: a cd, cancer treatment cook book,
devotional book, and a variety of teas.
My favorite gift was an e-reader; I could read or watch TV while in bed
and take it to chemo. Other ideas:
non-fragrant or mildly scented lotions, soothing bath oils, comfy slippers,
soft socks, light reading, and loose fitting, soft clothing.
Please
call your friend and offer your assistance.
It is better for you to initiate the help and call them. If you ask them to call you when they need
help they may never call. Why? They may be too tired to make the phone call,
or embarrassed to ask for help. And call
first before stopping by. Your friend may
not want visitors for a variety of reasons (feeling sick, etc.), and if they
are home alone it may be difficult to get to the door. A phone call in advance helps them prepare
for your visit.
II. Insider tips:
Treatment
plans are individual and medications and side effects vary, but here are some
common challenges:
FOOD:
Tastes change constantly when on chemotherapy.
Something that may taste good one minute, may be repulsive the next
(this drove me a little nuts when I took care of others battling cancer, but
then I experienced it for myself). Food
doesn’t taste as expected. Keep trying
different things, variety is key. Often
foods high in protein are recommended. Many
people have to avoid cold foods at certain times due to neuralgias related to
chemotherapy drugs.
CHEMO
BRAIN: Thinking becomes clouded. I
forgot names constantly, and couldn’t come up with the right word that I wanted
to say. The feeling is hard to describe
and can be very frustrating. It is sometimes
difficult to hold a conversation with someone, hard to understand what was
said, process it and respond. Ability to
think slows down. Have patience.
EMOTIONS:
They change! And may include increased
crying, anger, and frustration.
Let the person vent, they need to get it out. Have thick skin, don’t take their comments
personally, they have lots of chemicals going through their bodies and comments
probably don’t have a deeper personal meaning, they may just be the result of
strange thinking from the strong medications. (I
would go to my room during bad mood days, shut the door and stay away from
people until it passed). Pray for your
friend!
FATIGUE:
It is very real and debilitating. Your
friend has a small amount of energy, and when it is gone it is gone. They may need to sleep more, find it
difficult to walk, go up and down stairs, etc.
ISOLATION:
Cancer treatments weaken the immune system.
Don’t visit if you are sick or have been around someone who is
sick. Wash hands when entering the
house, and possibly take off your shoes.
Continue to call or send cards, e-mails, messages, etc., when your
friend’s immune system is down. Let them
know they are not alone.
SIDE
EFFECTS FROM TREATMENTS: Your friend may not like their appearance (bald, weight changes, swelling, etc.) Let
them know you are glad to see them, that they are loved. Burning sensations following radiation,
soreness from surgery, and neuropathy pain with chemotherapy may make hugs
uncomfortable. Ask first. Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea and constipation
can be an issue with chemotherapy and radiation, and may occur
unexpectedly. Your friend may become
unsocial because they are experiencing these symptoms. Or they may prefer visits at home rather than
going out. Symptoms often hit without
warning, so if they occur while you are with them stay
calm, it is not the end of the world, and refrain from negative comments. The person is probably already
embarrassed. Let them know it is ok.
III. Are there right words?
Everyone
is very different. One person may want
to be asked “how are you” another may dread it.
My friend hated it when nurses looked at her with sympathy. She said, “I just wanted to be treated
normally.” She asked if it bothered me
too and I responded, “No, I was already feeling sorry for myself, I thought
others should too.” People care and may
not know how to express it. Don’t let awkwardness
deter you from reaching out to your friend.
Listen, pray, and love. Love,
love, love and pray, pray, pray.
©
2014 Sara Nelson O’Brien
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