It
was early in the morning and I was headed into surgery. At this point I didn't
know if I had cancer for sure, but did know that a very large tumor needed to be
removed from my abdomen. It was considered major surgery and as I was being
prepped by the anesthesiologist, she asked if I was worried. I told her I wasn’t
really worried and she said, “You must be religious.” I smiled and said, “Yes
and I have a lot of people praying. That must be why I am not worried.”
I
think it also had to do with a lesson God taught me several years ago.
It
was in 1997, fifteen years earlier, and I was getting ready for another type of
major surgery. I was twenty-seven and broke my back in a sledding accident. The break was
so severe the surgeon later told me it looked like a gunshot wound. I was
supposed to have surgery the following day, but I was starting to lose the
feeling in my lower legs and the procedure was pushed up. I remember lying on
the gurney, unable to move, and gripped by fear. There were a lot of
unknowns about my condition. I knew I might not wake up again. I knew there was
a very good chance that I might wake up paralyzed. I think I was alone in the
room at the time, but at some point my pastor came in to pray for me. He read
this verse,
“The eternal God is your refuge, and
underneath are the everlasting arms.” Deuteronomy 33:27a.
I
was filled with a deep peace like I had never experienced before, and have
never experienced since. I knew that I was not alone, that God was there. My
focus was solely on God’s presence, everything else faded away. I knew that no
matter what happened, God would be there. If I left this earth, I would enter
into God’s everlasting arms. If I woke up paralyzed, God would be there with
me. No matter what happened, when I next awoke, God would be there. Nothing
could separate me from His love, His presence.
Being
religious sometimes has negative connotations but I didn’t get that sense from
the anesthesiologist. I believe she was simply asking, “Do you have faith?
Because you should be scared and it does not make sense that you are not
terrified.” It didn’t make sense, apart from God. My friends, church family,
and people I didn’t even know were praying for me, and God’s promise still
stood.
“Underneath are the everlasting arms.”
This
promise is for me and for you. During the deepest sorrow, fear, anguish, and
the unknown, His promise stands. He is the eternal God. His arms are
everlasting, and lift us up, each time we close and open our eyes.
Excerpted
from The Bald Headed, Tattooed,Motorcycle Mama’s Devotional Guide: For Women Battling Cancer & Those WhoLove Them Copyright
2013 Sara Nelson O’Brien.
All
photos courtesy of pixabay.com
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