It was early in
the morning and I was headed into surgery. At this point I did not know if I
had cancer, but did know that a very large tumor needed to be removed
from my abdomen. It was considered major surgery and as I was being prepped by
the anesthesiologist, she asked if I was worried. I said I wasn’t really
worried and she said, “You must be religious.” I smiled and said, “Yes and I
have a lot of people praying. That must be why I am not worried.”
I think it also
had to do with a lesson God taught me several years ago. It was in 1997, 15
years earlier, and I was getting ready for another type of major surgery. I was
27 and broke my back in a sledding accident. The break was so severe the
surgeon later said it looked like a gunshot wound. I was supposed to have
surgery the following day, but was starting to lose the feeling in my lower
legs and the procedure was pushed up. I remember lying on the gurney, unable to
move, with deep fear gripping me. There were a lot of unknowns about my condition.
I knew I might not wake up again. I knew there was a very good chance that I
might wake up paralyzed. I think I was alone in the room at the time, but at
some point my pastor came in to pray for me. He read this verse,
“The
eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.” Deuteronomy 33:27a.
I was filled with
a deep peace like I had never experienced before, and have never experienced
since. I knew that I was not alone, that God was there. My focus was solely on
God’s presence, everything else faded away. I knew that no matter what
happened, God would be there. If I left this earth, I would enter into God’s
everlasting arms. If I woke up paralyzed, God would be there with me. No matter
what happened, when I next awoke, God would be there. Nothing could separate me
from His love, His presence.
Being religious
sometimes has negative connotations but I didn’t get that sense from the
anesthesiologist. I believe she was simply asking, “Do you have faith? Because
you should be scared and it does not make sense that you are not terrified.” It
didn’t make sense, apart from God. My friends, church family, and people I
didn’t even know were praying for me, and God’s promise still stood.
“Underneath
are the everlasting arms.”
This promise is
for me and for you. During the deepest sorrow, fear, anguish, and the unknown,
His promise stands. He is the eternal God. His arms are everlasting, and lift
us up each time we close and open our eyes.
“Devotion 7: Everlasting Arms”
from The Bald Headed, Tattooed, Motorcycle
Mama’s Devotional Guide: For
Women Battling Cancer and Those Who Love Them. Copyright © 2013 by Sara Nelson
O’Brien. All rights reserved. No portion
of this book may be reproduced in any form without the express written
permission of the author.
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