I see your smile, wide, full
of hope, joy-filled lines and crinkled nose.
Good days, playing games, planning parties, celebrating life with family
and friends.
I see the sunny moments,
outdoor picnics, ice-cream sundaes, trash talking and laughing, nonchalantly
swatting your cat away from your legs as he returns again and again.
I see you sleeping, shallow
breathes, pale skin, short funky hair.
You still look good. Like Snow
White in her peaceful slumber amidst the colorful pillows and hand knit
blankets.
I see your warrior spirit, as
the IV starts again and again. And you
brace for the second, third, fourth blood transfusion. Too many to count.
I see your bruises, and
access port, swollen ankles, extended abdomen, and tired eyes. Artificial lights, sterile rooms. How long before this is over? How long can you hang on?
I see your friends, and family. Wondering, how can we bear this loss? How can we capture one more moment? Without the suffering, without the pain.
I hear your voice for the
last time. Nonsensical words, yet you
remember my name. You remember you love
me and I you.
I hear the story, of your
last moments. Calling the shots right to
the end. “It’s not time yet” and then
finally it is time. And you release your
soul into the arms of God.
I hear your messages. On my answering machine. In my cell phone. In my thoughts. Never to be erased. Your laughing voice, your gentle spirit.
I feel the loss. Empty evenings, the ache for silly
conversations. The luxury of debating
trifles. Truant tears. Sorrow too deep to surface. I know it will, someday.
I know this hidden sadness
would bring you pain. Your grief was on
your sleeve, lovely and open. Mine is
stifled, but will rise. With each
memory. Each reminder. Of better days past, and promised days to
come.
“For what is our hope, our joy, or the crown in which
we will glory in the presence of our Lord Jesus when he comes? Is it not you? Indeed, you are our glory and joy.” 1
Thessalonians 2:19-20.
I should add that this is for my peep, Amy A., on her 46th birthday. Love & miss her!
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